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August 2008  

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English Assignment.  
09:52pm 29/08/2008
Smokeyy Laroo.
We had to write and anecdote.
Anecdote- a short personal true story.

Here's mine:

The plane landed and rolled to a stop at gate three. Her hand moved over her knees nervously as she woke up. Looking out the window, she sighed and then bit her bottom lip and her heart pounded against her chest. She reached up and pushed her long blonde hair behind her ears and then grabbed her bag, shouldering it and entering the isle of the plane.
            “I can’t believe it…I actually made it…”  She smiled as her teeth ground into her lip again and she managed to leave the cabin of the vehicle that had kept her hostage for over eight hours. She inhaled deeply and grabbed the strap of her bag so tightly her knuckles turned white. The black Vans that encased her feet padded softly down the hallway that led to the waiting area for arriving passengers and their waiting loved ones.
            “What if he doesn’t like me the way he says he does? Will I actually be able to make him as happy in person as I think? What if he wants nothing to do with me?”  She frowned and looked down at her feet, shaking her head slightly and regaining her confidence. She entered the waiting area and gripped onto her bag tighter, if possible, and looked around. Suddenly she felt very alone, everyone that had just arrived was in someone’s arms. Either children embracing their parents, or couples reuniting and finally exchanging that long awaited kiss. She sighed and searched the room quietly, standing against a far wall.
            Finally, after what seemed like an eternity she spotted the boy who held her heart and smiled nervously, she walked up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder once. “Nathanial...” She whispered quietly. His body went slightly stiff as he pivoted on his heels and looked her up and down. She drew back her hand slowly and looked down at herself, suddenly self conscious and slightly nauseated. He smiled and seemed to relax just as her body went slightly rigid. She bit her lip again and smiled back up at him, her heart skipping beats at the sight of his smile.
            She cleared her throat and let go of her lip. “Hi Nate…” She smiled again, loving the way his name, even his nickname, tasted sweet in her mouth. “Hi Heather”  His voice filled her with a warm feeling and sent a tingling sensation to her fingertips that forced a smile to her lips. “C’mon let’s go...I only have so much time with you…”  He stated and then a frown covered his face, suddenly realizing that she had to go back across the country in just three days.
            “Nate…” She began and took his hand in hers, squeezing it quickly and then smiling up at him. “You have me forever…” She paused and mulled the words over in her mind. “Perhaps not in person yet, but in every other sense, I’m already yours.” She smiled gently and placed her head on his shoulder, giving his hand another squeeze.
She was no longer alone.
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Writer's Block: Six-Word Story  
10:18pm 15/08/2008
Smokeyy Laroo.
Girl Met Boy, Boy broke Girl.

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Last Call  
10:13pm 15/08/2008
Smokeyy Laroo.
If I had one call before I died. I would call my mother. Because she would most likely be with my sister. While my dad would be alone..it hurts me to say I wouldn't call him. But i would want to say bye to my mom and my sister. And have them pass it on to my dad.
Wow, this whole idea makes me very sad...
I would call my mom and of course, be in tears. 
So my words would all be jumbled and mixed up.
But basically I would tell her I love her. And I'm sorry for all the problems I caused her in my teenage years. My skipping school, drug life and all that. And then I would ask to speak to my sister. Who i would admit I loved. I would always do anything for. 
She is like my daughter in a way. And it hurts me even more to think about saying bye to her... 
then I would sadly say goodbye to both of them and pass the phone onto the next person, who most likely has more people they need to contact, kids, spouse, whatever.
And then.
I would sadly go sit in my seat and close my eyes. 
Saying goodbye to the world in my mind.

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Leave it all behind.  
11:30pm 30/07/2008
Smokeyy Laroo.
I bleed my heart out trying to care for you
I tear my life apart, trying to find you.
Maybe I should just run away. 
Leave it all behind and say goodbye.
Life would be so much better if I didn't have to deal with all of this.
Perhaps, I should just run away.
I want you to know that everything I do is all for you.
I breath so you can live.
I smile so you can smile.
I run so you can fly.
I just don't know what to do.
Run away with me
Or stay behind.
 It's all up to you.
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07:37pm 11/07/2008
Smokeyy Laroo.
Someday, I will escape.
Someday, everything I know will come in handy.
Someday, somehow, I'm going to make a name for myself.
Someday, I will, I have to, escape.
I just need to get away.
Say goodbye to all the people holding me back.
Say goodbye to all the people who have hurt me.
And say hello to all the people who will help me.
The ones who will lick my wounds and hold me while I cry.
Someday, I will be able to allow everyone to see exactly whats wrong with me.

But not today.
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The Eternal Nocturnal Struggle  
11:04pm 01/07/2008
Smokeyy Laroo.
Vampires kick werewolfs asses everytime. Duh. Werewolfs are basically giant dogs..and vampires have super speed, smell and strength. Whew. Duh that was a no-brainer
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Gender Bender  
08:16pm 30/06/2008
Smokeyy Laroo.
There are tons of things that both attract and repel me from the opposite sex. I think that being male would make people understand me more, and possibly be more open to my way of thinking. They wouldn't be able to scoff at me for sitting with my legs open if I was male. They wouldn't be able to stare and shake their heads when I talk about sex and weaponry. Being able to be myself at all times is the only thing that really attracts me towards wanting to be male.

But at the same time, I enjoy having these quallities as a female. I'm overly-independant. I really don't like to have help, so no I don't ask for directions. And I don't look at the instructions when putting something together. I act male in almost every way possible except that I like them in a romantic and sexual way. Being a female who is stubborn, hot headed and ego-centric is great to me. I think i set a positive example for other women. That men arn't the only ones who can break lose and do what they want. We can too!!!!
Look at me.
I'm 16.
I'm single&&loving it more by the second. 
I'm seriously independant. 
I hate watching chick flicks.
Yet I am totally and 100% straight hell i even have a gay guy friend, like every straight woman should.
I don't take people's bullshit and I stand up for what I believe in.
I'm supposedly extremely 'fiesty' as most of my male friends put it and they find that a very attractive quality. 
I can fend for myself and take care of my own needs. I don't need a male to do that. 
I think being male you're expected to do certain things that...well...we don't need you to.
Wow this turned into a women's rally instead of a simple entry.
haha sorry...
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Facets of a Hero  
08:12pm 30/06/2008
Smokeyy Laroo.
I could on all day about what makes a hero. And how to be one, well in my eyes anyway.
A hero is someone who can stand tall and proud and defend a person, a nation or a country without missing a beat.
A hero is someone who is willing to give life and limb for people they have never met.
A hero is someone who is willing to give up anything for one person's anything.
A hero is someone who can be counted on day and night. Someone who you can call in the middle of the night and cry to and they offer to get out of bed and come over to sit down with you while you cry.
A hero is different in everyones eyes.
But in mine, a hero is, charismic, brave, loving, silly, armourous, and courageous.
tags: hero
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><;; Update on Me.  
09:16pm 02/06/2008
Smokeyy Laroo.
Hey yall. I havent really posted in a while. Mostly because my life has been so...weird lately. One day I'm really happy and the next...im just not. Basically I'm on a job hunt. I have now 2 really close friends i would die for..and I'm not over my ex..not by a long shot. 
I've decided to take on a new look...not as dark, not so much black as i used to have...more purple and orange..and lighter colors. I figure if i change the way i dress and look on life then life will change for me and i decide what I'm going to do. 

And so far, I've figured out that I don't want to be in the military. Yeah, shocker to a lot of my friends. I'm pretty sure I just want to be a normal journalist. And yeah, writing is indeed my passion. Still not sure why, I think it's because you write anything you want and no one can really say anything, because it's your thoughts and opinions. And america was built on the very idea that no one should be discriminated against because of their race, religion or opinions. 

I've also been deleting people I don't need in my life and that only bring me down. Alot of my friends or so called friends were only using me for what i could give them.
"Heather I'm hungry."
"I'll get you some food"
"You rock"
"Heather, -spills heart out- What should I do?"
"Well, bbla bla bla" 

And then they don't talk to me until they need something again. But 2 of my friends I feel are true. And I hope that never changes. I'm going to do what I can to keep them close around me. And until the day I die I will do what I have to, to make sure they are happy. 

My love life hasn't changed. I'm still single. But that still doesn't phase me. Yeah I'm in love with my ex. But that could be because there was no closure. Wow. Big word for a 16 year old. But still. There wasn't. And it's unsettling. I'm moving on. Or at least trying. I have amazing self confidence for someone who hasn't been in a really good relationship in a while and thats on the larger side of the American race. But that doesn't phase me either. I'm working on my "image" aka body. Working out daily and eating right. So hopefully, one day I can get that one guy, the one I'm meant to be with. And right now I think it's my ex. But I'll just sit back and see what happens. 

So yeah, I'm going to try and post at least once a week. If I don't get to it. Please forgive me.

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...><;; I think..  
09:17pm 29/05/2008
Smokeyy Laroo.

I think I'm falling for my ex again. I don't know why..my friends are the ones who told me, yes told me, to break up with him. And i listened. I shouldn't have, because i realized just a couple days ago that I am soo not over him. ><;;; I don't know what to do. He's in a pretty serious relationship with this girl..who i know...and i don't want to hurt her..
But at the same time i really do want him back..
i just don't know. 

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